ZMOG!!! TF2 map details

LOVE IT

We know now from the wonderful people at shacknews what one of the new TF2 maps will be, Badlands from the original game. However this version seems retooled for territory control.

I for one am just happy to see some new info out on the maps. I'm hoping we'll see a map pack out for us 360 gamers with these two goodies...now where is my meet the pyro vid Valve?

New Dark Sector Vid...hope rekindled

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I don't know how the hell MTV got of hold of this kick ass vid and quite frankly,I don't care. All you Smallville fans will be happy to see Old Lex Luther doing the voice acting for our main character (YES NO SUCKY DIALOGUE!!)

Also for all you gamers who followed the game since it's earliest days you'll be glad to know that the kick ass suit is back in action, just a hell of a lot cooler looking in my mind.

Really Dark Sector looks like it has it's shit together, Cool premise, environment and combat. Plus it looks like it's being polished quite nicely. I'd say to be on the look out for this game in the coming months, it just might be the sleeper hit of the new year.

Kingdom Under Fire CIRCLE OF DOOOM!!...or soft core elf porn

I'm guessing that the KUF franchise was dreamed up by a bunch of D&D nerds at one of their nightly matches in a mother's broken heart...sorry I meant basement.

When I first started the demo I noticed a flashing choice saying prologue...and being the stupid ass I am, clicked it. What happened next was a boring, slow scrolling WALL OF FUCKING TEXT!!!! like a paraplegic turtle the story of the nibblets lord of something and casbola, lord of something else was told to me in crappy small font only an wide screen HDTV can display (Because everyone has a HDTV...right?).

So after exiting right around the part were nibblets found out he was pregnant or something I began the game proper. I was taken to a character selection screen, were I immediately tried to select the scantily clad female character and put her in compromising positions -only to learn she is only available in the full game...smart bastards...

So with my dream of sexy elf's who should have a clothing malfunction every time they breathe due to lack of covering material swept away I decided to actually try to play the game. I decided to go with a generic badass looking knight equipped with standard badass giant sword.

One thing KUF has going for it is it's bitchin graphics, the game looks nice...that's about it. I found myself in a beautiful field of flowers, in a beautiful forest...surrounded by what could only be described as retarded rabid midget wolf imps. Yes you read that correct, the fate of the world is threatened by packs of rabid midget retarded wolf imps that come big or small.

So 6 minutes in and I've killed my millionth rabid midget retarded wolf imp, do I get a prize...besides 15 gold dropped? They should really just call this DYNASTY WARRIORS D&D version. The battles become so repetitive that by my second encounter I actually just had the 40 character deep rabid pack chase me while I put on the Benny hill theme(yakety sax) and laughed at my pitiful existence.

KUF!! is really for the masochist gamer (because you have to hate yourself or love pain to play this) or the autistic gamer who has to have a million collectibles and a deep, boring unoriginal story, which only people 5 people (I did the math) will like. I must say however it's a great tedious slash, collect fest.

DON'T BUY UNDERTOW....yet

1st google choice

Turns out UNDERTOW will be the game X-box will be giving us (free!) for the whole "During the holiday break we left the intern to deal with the servers while we all went out and had a drunken sex party and 100,000 13 halo newbs went online with their core systems...we just kept telling him reboot every other minute" Incident.

For those of you gamers (suckers) who already went out and bought undertow call up Microsoft support and their creepy voice guy, they'll have a special package up for you.

Undertow's not the worst game to give us for free (I'm looking at you Barbie princess pony rancher!) but why couldn't x-box just give us the 800 points and have us choose what we want to pay, I don't know maybe customize our 360's game library? Hell, anyway at least we'll have something that every 360 can play and have in common...that and the red rings of death...fun times

So I played the Turok Demo....

As Most of you all know by now, every (I MEAN EVERY) country besides America is ready, willing and able to download the Turok demo. Now that doesn't mean you can't get the demo in America, you just have to pay 5$ to preorder the full game and after your locked into that little 60$ purchase they give you a crappy stoner's hat and a try after you buy...great.

Unless of course you steal your copy from BestBuy. and under advisement from my attorney, I'm pleading the 5th.

Anyways the demo starts you off in some caves alone in the dark with another man... Now you and your manly man sidekick named SLADE voiced by the manly Ron Pearlman (he was Hellboy)have to find a way out of the caves (after you two cuddle) all while being chased by Raptors.

Now why there are raptors in small dank caves I don't know maybe they hide from all the other dinos because of self esteem issues, beats me. Of course you have the expected "I fell down the slippery hole on without me SLADE will meet up outside।" twist

Eventually you do get out of the caves and into a beautiful jungle which only goes one way...great. Yes you'll meet back up with SLADE, fight more raptors meet another lost manly man squad mate who was ripped from Gears of Wars ball sack, AND kill stupid guards in tall grass ETC.ETC.ETC.

the big plot spoiler is that Turok is the reason dinosaurs went extinct. I must have killed 60 of the bastards while I was supposed to follow SLADE (while he strangely followed me BAD A.I BAD don't pee on the carpet!!) so that he could show me the one single point to continue in the jungle. The demo for Turok feels last gen and boring there's only one path to take and if you cant find it fast enough a raptor chews your ass in half and pisses on the remains. then it a rinse and repeat with a checkpoint system that doesn't kick in after the really hard "OMG THERES A GIANT DINO TRYING TO EAT ME AND ALL I HAVE IS A CRAPPY BOW!!!" fight

Try and get a copy of the demo before committing to this game. It's got it's bright spots but it seems a little rough around the old edges