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Remember this little diddy here? The supposed Halo killer for the PS3?
Well Free Radicals drug induced evil capitalist mega corporation futuristic shooter has been re-slated for a May release date...in case you didn't know.
Now there are a few reasons I decided to post this little vid up
- I like advertisements that aren't advertisements but sneaky little prick bastards trying to get me to buy a product because it looks cool.
- I wanted to see if the attach video feature would actually work (Yea!!! it does!!)
- I was bored and all the cool kids were updating their blog.(peer pressure is a bitch)
However I would like to point out a complaint I've gotten from some of my readers about PS3 coverage...or the lack of.
I'd love to review some PS3 games....if they release some.
I'd like to review actual PS3 exclusives for the system...but there are too few (and even less newer ones worth a review). That's my main grip about the system, I paid hundreds of dollars for a Blu-ray player and Warhawk, Where the hell are all the exclusives I remember from my PS2 days? All those niche JRPGS I used to love...
Most everything available on the PS3 this month is available on the 360 too...where I can play with my more of my friends and with an easier online component.
Now I'm not knocking the PS3 because I get some sort of a masochistic kick out of paying $600 for Spiderman 3 on Blu-ray. I'm just trying to give the PS3 some tough love...like that football coach who yelled "YOUR A SHIT EATING MAGGOT AND WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IN LIFE BOY!! NOW RUN ANOTHER LAP!!"
I'm just trying to instill character...while hoping to god for some more good exclusive PS3 games.
So while some of you may bitch and moan about lack of PS3 coverage...don't blame me, I'd love to review HAZE and MSG4 while wanking off to Killzone 2 and FFXIII screen shots....but after those three what else?Sure we had Uncharted and Ratchet and Clank. However I find it a bit piss poor that the best PS3 exclusive shooter is still FUCKING RESISTANCE!!!...a launch game.
Sony has won the format war so they can stop pimping the PS3 as a cheap blu-ray player(which it is)...but I didn't buy my damn PS3 to watch movies and look at my blog on my TV screen...I bought it to fucking pwn Noobs....the good ole' fashioned American way.
Oh I went there... I never played the original bully. Not because I thought it was an inferior game or not worth my time. No that months video game coffers were emptied on some good ole' fashioned Japanese soft core porn (more specifically Dead or Alive Ultimate). Now however that Bully has been refurbished and retooled for a 360 and Wii *scholarship* (COUGH port COUGH) edition.
Bully places you in the prepubescent shoes of 15 year old Jimmy Hopkins. Jimmy is dropped off at Bullworth boarding school so that his uncaring mother and octogenarian sugar step daddy can have a year long cruise (Complete with hot, sexy and quite messy old people humping...I guess.) You'll meet the school's administration (one of those old-school hard asses who gets off on making little kids lick his shoes clean...than steps on their heads saying "Builds character boy!")
After being told how much you suck and are worthless (hey sounds like my ex-girlfriend!) you'll be introduced to your room in the boy's dorm and your "friend" Gary. Now Gary reminded me a lot of me in my school years: motivated, good looking, sociopathic, scornful, deceitful, cynical and wants to take over the world. (A real go-getter like I was....ah good times). Gary will help you start out in this school and get acquainted with all the subsets of scholastic life.
Bully works in days. You wake up at 8:00 and your first class is around 9:00 till around 11:00.
There's both a morning and afternoon class (cause we all know you needed help in school due to your "specialness".) Now you can elect to become a unlearned mongrel bastard and skip class (this is called truancy...new vocab word for your crossword puzzles). In order to complete many missions you'll need to commit truancy of at least one class during the day.
This is all well and good, Skip class and pantie raid the girls dorm (not that I would know anything about that...)
That is until those bastard prick prefects or your average idiot bully decides to mess with you. See if any prefect catches you out of class they'll throw your ass right back into it. This gets to be one of those "MOTHERFUCKERGODAMNPREFECTBITCHASSHOLEI'LLKILLYOUANDYOURWHOLEFAMILYTOO!!!ARGH!"
moments. Whenever you get caught by any joe schome prefect just pissing in the wind you've failed you mission (Good bye dear sweet panties!!) and are forced to start that mission over again. The most annoying part is the fact that time is measured so quickly in game you never have a substantial amount of "free time" to accomplish a goal worry free. So you are doomed to a vicious cycle of alcohol, drugs and cheap whores.....oh wait thats my life, sorry. Suffice to say you'll be replaying missions often.
I'm not going to knock bully gameplay wise for having last gen controls...because it's a last gen game. It's kinda like being angry at grandpa for being an anti-Semite grand dragon (Lvl 35 with 5 points magic resistance and double roll ability!) of the KKK (krispy kreme klub...duh) It won't really get you anywhere and the old bastard's going to die and burn in hell anyway...wait where was I?
Oh yes!....the fickle bitch that is know as a load screen. Whenever you open a door, take a class, get your ass kicked or breath you'll see a load screen. considering how big the game is (bigger than your mom!......damn it) it's a justifiable annoyance, however the game freezing isn't. The game froze multiple times while I was playing it for no particular reason...other than what I can surmise as being a poor port job....Or Microsoft just fucking with me again...because we all know how funny that Red Rings of Death prank was!!
For all it's cracked skin and old people smell, bully is a good game. If you played the original and really want to try out the 10 or so new things it includes go ahead...freak. If you never played the original bully however and are looking for a good sandbox game with a few rough edges, go ahead and pick this up (at the low low price of 50!). Have fun making out with geeky girls and (if your back door swings that way) a couple of guys who just want some bros to hang out and play with....in more greasy ways than one.....hell you get an achievement for it.
So Microsoft actually did something right and got my x-box to me faster than I expected.......So I'm just checking to see if the ground has burst forth giving way to the demon apocalypse.
However even if Microsoft has fulfilled one apocalyptic prophecy all is not lost! We have mediocre futuristic battlefield wannabes to play and keep us comfort as demons rape us up the bum for eternity YEA!!!
Frontlines takes place in a what if future of high oil prices and wars for energy resources.(Sounds...oddly familiar...)The single player demo had you as an unnamed solider for the KICKASS AMERICAN COALITION(or something close to that) invading thisisnotafghanistanstan to "free" it's oil reserve from THE DIRTY EVIL COMMIES BASTARDS WHO WILL NOT DIE(close enough. It's been up for awhile...go try and play it). Now lets jump into the multiplayer demo on KAOS' dedicated servers...or try to.
Being that this is a Multiplayer Demo I've decided to enlist the help of my straight gangsta home skillet G Onlaught7 (Microsoft forgot to put the s in). Me and him decided to roll up in this bitch and see if it was worth our 24 inch rims...yo.
For the first match I didn't know if Onlaught was in the room or not. In fact if it wasn't for names like "MOTHERHUMPER", "ILIKEPOOP" and my favorite "JAYREZIZPWNU" I would have thought I was in a bot match. See Frontlines won't let you talk to anyone unless you join a "squad" and since teamwork doesn't exist in online gaming (same as how women don't) your going to be humming Fleetwood Mac (or Fifty cent homes) to yourself often.
So me and my main boi hopped onto private chat and attempted to capture an objective. (Which ended up with us being blown up by a small rc toy car...straped with C4 explosives).
I think here is where I should go over Frontlines "how the hell did anyone approve this POS control scheme." In order to sprint you must hold the RB bumper (remember that trigger that reloads IN EVERY OTHER FRICKING GAME!!!). It's quite funny to try and use a shotgun or assault rifle. kaos' "dedicated" (ha right!)servers don't like you cappin bitches. The bullet lag is so bad I had to empty a shotgun clip point blank...just so the guy could turn around and pistol me to death...like the bitch I am.
Don't even try to pilot a vehicle, unless you like running into trees and being blown up by the one weapon that works-automatic lock on RPGS-that EVERYONE uses. However My partner in crime Onlaught7 Jizzle wanted to roll up on da bloods in our crip copter (I like the assonance there). now I didn't personally fly the copter, I only hung off the bottom firing the mini gun pretending I was a Heavyweapons guy in TF2...you know a good game.
Which leads me to why I am trying to sound like a poor inner city youth looking for a dolla dolla bill yo. Frontlines is ghetto. It rips off from so many other games who do mutliplayer so much better (GOW, HALO, GRAW, RAINBOW SIX, BARBIE STRIPPER FRENZY..just to name a few). This game has a few interesting parts to it, all poorly executed in design and gameplay...I'm looking at your remote controlled bomb car!. I would expect to find Frontlines in the backroom of a Chinese restaurant which sells bootleg versions of movies and games....of course if I could get this game,Top Gun(staring Tom Cruise) and some eggrolls for only $10.00 I'd consider it a bargain...if they threw in a pair of plastic wrapped panties I would be in pervert heaven.
