Megaten online consumes my soul...for free!

That's me in Megaten Online, busting a groove.............

http://megaten.aeriagames.com/

So I got into the closed beta of  megaten online  ( thats the link up there^)  that's my pixie partner up there...she is just a bit embrassed at my sweet groove thang.

What can I say? it's awesome and it's free and it's online. It's your typical asian mmo.

Go out and kill stuff

kill some more stuff

and some more

and more

and more

and more

KEEP GRINDING BITCH!!

      That however is okay cause I like some grinding in my online experiance.

When the game finally goes public it seems that it will be more skill based than it is equpment and loot based. That my friends is awesome Cause I really do go dungeon looting in my sandels and cameo pants.

 It's important to note that there is no PVP at all in the game. there is however a very robust clan syestem in place. Clans recevie lvls and from thaose lvls gain exp bounses and other perks when in a party. ( clan lvl three lets all memebers dance...unfortuantly).

The game has 200 demons that you can fuse (yes their is fusion and you don't lose your demons if you fail it) and partner up with.

The game is free and it'sa coming out next year around jan or feb. have a blast. 

Oh god I see the light.....and it is good

........ok Hello all five of you who used to read my wonderful diatribes on electronic enterntainment (no not porn). It's a me caesar


I'm hoping to start posting up on this old bitch again. I have planned a new post for saturday so sit back and relax (oh...you didn't jump for joy.....damn it). After a long haitus I'll be back to my prick ways.....yeah?

I'm just a tool of the man....least the drugs are free! MY weekly rant.

Remember this little diddy here? The supposed Halo killer for the PS3?

Well Free Radicals drug induced evil capitalist mega corporation futuristic shooter has been re-slated for a May release date...in case you didn't know.


Now there are a few reasons I decided to post this little vid up

1. I like advertisements that aren't advertisements but sneaky little prick bastards trying to get me to buy a product because it looks cool.
2. I wanted to see if the attach video feature would actually work (Yea!!! it does!!)
3. I was bored and all the cool kids were updating their blog.(peer pressure is a bitch)

However I would like to point out a complaint I've gotten from some of my readers about PS3 coverage...or the lack of.
I'd love to review some PS3 games....if they release some.

I'd like to review actual PS3 exclusives for the system...but there are too few (and even less newer ones worth a review). That's my main grip about the system, I paid hundreds of dollars for a Blu-ray player and Warhawk, Where the hell are all the exclusives I remember from my PS2 days? All those niche JRPGS I used to love...

Most everything available on the PS3 this month is available on the 360 too...where I can play with my more of my friends and with an easier online component.

Now I'm not knocking the PS3 because I get some sort of a masochistic kick out of paying $600 for Spiderman 3 on Blu-ray. I'm just trying to give the PS3 some tough love...like that football coach who yelled "YOUR A SHIT EATING MAGGOT AND WILL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IN LIFE BOY!! NOW RUN ANOTHER LAP!!"

I'm just trying to instill character...while hoping to god for some more good exclusive PS3 games.

So while some of you may bitch and moan about lack of PS3 coverage...don't blame me, I'd love to review HAZE and MSG4 while wanking off to Killzone 2 and FFXIII screen shots....but after those three what else?

Sure we had Uncharted and Ratchet and Clank. However I find it a bit piss poor that the best PS3 exclusive shooter is still FUCKING RESISTANCE!!!...a launch game.

Sony has won the format war so they can stop pimping the PS3 as a cheap blu-ray player(which it is)...but I didn't buy my damn PS3 to watch movies and look at my blog on my TV screen...I bought it to fucking pwn Noobs....the good ole' fashioned American way.

Going back to school.....Bullies and all!

Oh I went there...

I never played the original bully. Not because I thought it was an inferior game or not worth my time. No that months video game coffers were emptied on some good ole' fashioned Japanese soft core porn (more specifically Dead or Alive Ultimate). Now however that Bully has been refurbished and retooled for a 360 and Wii *scholarship* (COUGH port COUGH) edition.

Bully places you in the prepubescent shoes of 15 year old Jimmy Hopkins. Jimmy is dropped off at Bullworth boarding school so that his uncaring mother and octogenarian sugar step daddy can have a year long cruise (Complete with hot, sexy and quite messy old people humping...I guess.) You'll meet the school's administration (one of those old-school hard asses who gets off on making little kids lick his shoes clean...than steps on their heads saying "Builds character boy!")

After being told how much you suck and are worthless (hey sounds like my ex-girlfriend!) you'll be introduced to your room in the boy's dorm and your "friend" Gary. Now Gary reminded me a lot of me in my school years: motivated, good looking, sociopathic, scornful, deceitful, cynical and wants to take over the world. (A real go-getter like I was....ah good times). Gary will help you start out in this school and get acquainted with all the subsets of scholastic life.


Bully works in days. You wake up at 8:00 and your first class is around 9:00 till around 11:00.
There's both a morning and afternoon class (cause we all know you needed help in school due to your "specialness".) Now you can elect to become a unlearned mongrel bastard and skip class (this is called truancy...new vocab word for your crossword puzzles). In order to complete many missions you'll need to commit truancy of at least one class during the day.

This is all well and good, Skip class and pantie raid the girls dorm (not that I would know anything about that...)

That is until those bastard prick prefects or your average idiot bully decides to mess with you. See if any prefect catches you out of class they'll throw your ass right back into it. This gets to be one of those "MOTHERFUCKERGODAMNPREFECTBITCHASSHOLEI'LLKILLYOUANDYOURWHOLEFAMILYTOO!!!ARGH!"
moments. Whenever you get caught by any joe schome prefect just pissing in the wind you've failed you mission (Good bye dear sweet panties!!) and are forced to start that mission over again. The most annoying part is the fact that time is measured so quickly in game you never have a substantial amount of "free time" to accomplish a goal worry free. So you are doomed to a vicious cycle of alcohol, drugs and cheap whores.....oh wait thats my life, sorry. Suffice to say you'll be replaying missions often.

I'm not going to knock bully gameplay wise for having last gen controls...because it's a last gen game. It's kinda like being angry at grandpa for being an anti-Semite grand dragon (Lvl 35 with 5 points magic resistance and double roll ability!) of the KKK (krispy kreme klub...duh) It won't really get you anywhere and the old bastard's going to die and burn in hell anyway...wait where was I?

Oh yes!....the fickle bitch that is know as a load screen. Whenever you open a door, take a class, get your ass kicked or breath you'll see a load screen. considering how big the game is (bigger than your mom!......damn it) it's a justifiable annoyance, however the game freezing isn't. The game froze multiple times while I was playing it for no particular reason...other than what I can surmise as being a poor port job....Or Microsoft just fucking with me again...because we all know how funny that Red Rings of Death prank was!!

For all it's cracked skin and old people smell, bully is a good game. If you played the original and really want to try out the 10 or so new things it includes go ahead...freak. If you never played the original bully however and are looking for a good sandbox game with a few rough edges, go ahead and pick this up (at the low low price of 50!). Have fun making out with geeky girls and (if your back door swings that way) a couple of guys who just want some bros to hang out and play with....in more greasy ways than one.....hell you get an achievement for it.

Me and my homie roll up in da frontlines

So Microsoft actually did something right and got my x-box to me faster than I expected.......So I'm just checking to see if the ground has burst forth giving way to the demon apocalypse.

However even if Microsoft has fulfilled one apocalyptic prophecy all is not lost! We have mediocre futuristic battlefield wannabes to play and keep us comfort as demons rape us up the bum for eternity YEA!!!

Frontlines takes place in a what if future of high oil prices and wars for energy resources.(Sounds...oddly familiar...)The single player demo had you as an unnamed solider for the KICKASS AMERICAN COALITION(or something close to that) invading thisisnotafghanistanstan to "free" it's oil reserve from THE DIRTY EVIL COMMIES BASTARDS WHO WILL NOT DIE(close enough. It's been up for awhile...go try and play it). Now lets jump into the multiplayer demo on KAOS' dedicated servers...or try to.

Being that this is a Multiplayer Demo I've decided to enlist the help of my straight gangsta home skillet G Onlaught7 (Microsoft forgot to put the s in). Me and him decided to roll up in this bitch and see if it was worth our 24 inch rims...yo.

For the first match I didn't know if Onlaught was in the room or not. In fact if it wasn't for names like "MOTHERHUMPER", "ILIKEPOOP" and my favorite "JAYREZIZPWNU" I would have thought I was in a bot match. See Frontlines won't let you talk to anyone unless you join a "squad" and since teamwork doesn't exist in online gaming (same as how women don't) your going to be humming Fleetwood Mac (or Fifty cent homes) to yourself often.


So me and my main boi hopped onto private chat and attempted to capture an objective. (Which ended up with us being blown up by a small rc toy car...straped with C4 explosives).


I think here is where I should go over Frontlines "how the hell did anyone approve this POS control scheme." In order to sprint you must hold the RB bumper (remember that trigger that reloads IN EVERY OTHER FRICKING GAME!!!). It's quite funny to try and use a shotgun or assault rifle. kaos' "dedicated" (ha right!)servers don't like you cappin bitches. The bullet lag is so bad I had to empty a shotgun clip point blank...just so the guy could turn around and pistol me to death...like the bitch I am.


Don't even try to pilot a vehicle, unless you like running into trees and being blown up by the one weapon that works-automatic lock on RPGS-that EVERYONE uses. However My partner in crime Onlaught7 Jizzle wanted to roll up on da bloods in our crip copter (I like the assonance there). now I didn't personally fly the copter, I only hung off the bottom firing the mini gun pretending I was a Heavyweapons guy in TF2...you know a good game.

Which leads me to why I am trying to sound like a poor inner city youth looking for a dolla dolla bill yo. Frontlines is ghetto. It rips off from so many other games who do mutliplayer so much better (GOW, HALO, GRAW, RAINBOW SIX, BARBIE STRIPPER FRENZY..just to name a few). This game has a few interesting parts to it, all poorly executed in design and gameplay...I'm looking at your remote controlled bomb car!. I would expect to find Frontlines in the backroom of a Chinese restaurant which sells bootleg versions of movies and games....of course if I could get this game,Top Gun(staring Tom Cruise) and some eggrolls for only $10.00 I'd consider it a bargain...if they threw in a pair of plastic wrapped panties I would be in pervert heaven.

ResurgentCaesarResurgent caesarlution prize details

Alright I've decided on the prizes for the first ever ResurgentCaesarResurgent Caesarlution contest. (Scroll below to learn how to enter)

1.The Winner will get a certain amount of Microsoft points. Also a super secret surprise if your on my friends list (why the hell wouldn't you be if you enter?)

Remember 3-17-08 THE CAESARLUTION BEGINS AGAIN!!!

Who the hell is Apollo? (look below for the caesarlution)

Being the good gamer that I (and admitted nintendo fanboy...)am I've had a DS since it first came out. Also being somewhat literate I enjoy a good story with interesting characters once and awhile (NO HALO DOESN'T COUNT!!!...go play breakdown than come back to me).


Anyways I found the Ace Attorney (or Gyakuten Saiban ...oh yea) series and fell in love with it (Also trace memory and hotel dusk...but that's a different story). The game itself takes place seven years after the OG (original gangsta) trilogy so it's a good starting point if you want to try your hand at being a defense lawyer.


You play Apollo Justice, a newb on his first case (without spoilers the story comes out swinging and biting:). The dialog is F&^(&() HIlarious (god I'm a tool)and is sure to make any literate, breathing and competent person laugh.



The gameplay itself has you interrogating witnesses, discovering clues (really Apollo does the polices damn job...and never gets thanked). You also use the touch screen and microphone to examine evidence, dust for fingerprints and bring criminals to justice. It's enjoyable to catch a seedy witness in their own lie and see them try and squirm their way out.

Also behind all the laughs (ACHTUNG BABY!!)is a very serious story. Apollo deals mostly in murders and the criminals in this installment are quiet evilly good (The first episode once again will slap you silly and you'll love it...like the needy bitch you are :O ).

I say buy this sexy thing as soon as you can if you can read and enjoy a thinking mans game (or buy it and give it as a gift!). I already know that if you liked the first three AA titles you'll be getting this one....

3-17-08 the caesarlution begins

That's right ResurgentCaesar returns to his homies on 3-17-08 (or else UPS dies from my seething rage. So to honor this special occasion I'm hosting the first ever ResurgentcaesarResurgent Contest!!

Remember that time in Halo when I completely ROCKED! or when I chainsawed everyone in gears laughing evilly (even my own team!..no wonder you guys don't put FF on anymore...)However If you E-mail me your favorite caesarism and I pick it you'll win...something!! (Hell I came up with this 10 mins ago..so sue me.)

So to enter:

Simply click my e-mail (it's over to the right I swears)

Give your favorite Caesar filled moment PUT YOUR GAMERTAG IN THE E-MAIL SO I KNOW WHO BE WHO!!!

send it

and on 3-17-08 game with the man himself!!

Hope to see you all soon!! (unless Microsoft screws me over again!!)

Microsoft made me do it!!!

I got bored so I bought one...a ps3. Unlike the one above (which I had NOTHING to do with throwing it out a window of my friends apartment building.) It works pretty good.
But why the hell didn't they give me a god damned headset? I mean I know my usb one will work (with everything but Ut3
)
Microsoft at least had the common decency to pretend to care about my game play experience with it's crappy POS (guess what the words are children!)wired headset...Oh well, I'm not going to write an in depth review of the system, what needs to be said about it has already been said 100 times before...I just want to play Lost odyssey ( kick ass tv spot) I will have a few PS3 write ups coming soon, so please don't take me off your feeds!! PLEASE!!!

The Red rings of Death still exists...I've seen them, felt their sting

Sorry guys in posting this so late, but I've been doomed to the worst fate an x-box could have...the red rings. So any reviews or preveiws will have to be put on hold

ZMOG!!! TF2 map details

LOVE IT

We know now from the wonderful people at shacknews what one of the new TF2 maps will be, Badlands from the original game. However this version seems retooled for territory control.

I for one am just happy to see some new info out on the maps. I'm hoping we'll see a map pack out for us 360 gamers with these two goodies...now where is my meet the pyro vid Valve?

New Dark Sector Vid...hope rekindled

CLICK ME

I don't know how the hell MTV got of hold of this kick ass vid and quite frankly,I don't care. All you Smallville fans will be happy to see Old Lex Luther doing the voice acting for our main character (YES NO SUCKY DIALOGUE!!)

Also for all you gamers who followed the game since it's earliest days you'll be glad to know that the kick ass suit is back in action, just a hell of a lot cooler looking in my mind.

Really Dark Sector looks like it has it's shit together, Cool premise, environment and combat. Plus it looks like it's being polished quite nicely. I'd say to be on the look out for this game in the coming months, it just might be the sleeper hit of the new year.

Kingdom Under Fire CIRCLE OF DOOOM!!...or soft core elf porn

I'm guessing that the KUF franchise was dreamed up by a bunch of D&D nerds at one of their nightly matches in a mother's broken heart...sorry I meant basement.

When I first started the demo I noticed a flashing choice saying prologue...and being the stupid ass I am, clicked it. What happened next was a boring, slow scrolling WALL OF FUCKING TEXT!!!! like a paraplegic turtle the story of the nibblets lord of something and casbola, lord of something else was told to me in crappy small font only an wide screen HDTV can display (Because everyone has a HDTV...right?).

So after exiting right around the part were nibblets found out he was pregnant or something I began the game proper. I was taken to a character selection screen, were I immediately tried to select the scantily clad female character and put her in compromising positions -only to learn she is only available in the full game...smart bastards...

So with my dream of sexy elf's who should have a clothing malfunction every time they breathe due to lack of covering material swept away I decided to actually try to play the game. I decided to go with a generic badass looking knight equipped with standard badass giant sword.

One thing KUF has going for it is it's bitchin graphics, the game looks nice...that's about it. I found myself in a beautiful field of flowers, in a beautiful forest...surrounded by what could only be described as retarded rabid midget wolf imps. Yes you read that correct, the fate of the world is threatened by packs of rabid midget retarded wolf imps that come big or small.

So 6 minutes in and I've killed my millionth rabid midget retarded wolf imp, do I get a prize...besides 15 gold dropped? They should really just call this DYNASTY WARRIORS D&D version. The battles become so repetitive that by my second encounter I actually just had the 40 character deep rabid pack chase me while I put on the Benny hill theme(yakety sax) and laughed at my pitiful existence.

KUF!! is really for the masochist gamer (because you have to hate yourself or love pain to play this) or the autistic gamer who has to have a million collectibles and a deep, boring unoriginal story, which only people 5 people (I did the math) will like. I must say however it's a great tedious slash, collect fest.

DON'T BUY UNDERTOW....yet

1st google choice

Turns out UNDERTOW will be the game X-box will be giving us (free!) for the whole "During the holiday break we left the intern to deal with the servers while we all went out and had a drunken sex party and 100,000 13 halo newbs went online with their core systems...we just kept telling him reboot every other minute" Incident.

For those of you gamers (suckers) who already went out and bought undertow call up Microsoft support and their creepy voice guy, they'll have a special package up for you.

Undertow's not the worst game to give us for free (I'm looking at you Barbie princess pony rancher!) but why couldn't x-box just give us the 800 points and have us choose what we want to pay, I don't know maybe customize our 360's game library? Hell, anyway at least we'll have something that every 360 can play and have in common...that and the red rings of death...fun times

So I played the Turok Demo....

As Most of you all know by now, every (I MEAN EVERY) country besides America is ready, willing and able to download the Turok demo. Now that doesn't mean you can't get the demo in America, you just have to pay 5$ to preorder the full game and after your locked into that little 60$ purchase they give you a crappy stoner's hat and a try after you buy...great.

Unless of course you steal your copy from BestBuy. and under advisement from my attorney, I'm pleading the 5th.

Anyways the demo starts you off in some caves alone in the dark with another man... Now you and your manly man sidekick named SLADE voiced by the manly Ron Pearlman (he was Hellboy)have to find a way out of the caves (after you two cuddle) all while being chased by Raptors.

Now why there are raptors in small dank caves I don't know maybe they hide from all the other dinos because of self esteem issues, beats me. Of course you have the expected "I fell down the slippery hole on without me SLADE will meet up outside।" twist

Eventually you do get out of the caves and into a beautiful jungle which only goes one way...great. Yes you'll meet back up with SLADE, fight more raptors meet another lost manly man squad mate who was ripped from Gears of Wars ball sack, AND kill stupid guards in tall grass ETC.ETC.ETC.

the big plot spoiler is that Turok is the reason dinosaurs went extinct. I must have killed 60 of the bastards while I was supposed to follow SLADE (while he strangely followed me BAD A.I BAD don't pee on the carpet!!) so that he could show me the one single point to continue in the jungle. The demo for Turok feels last gen and boring there's only one path to take and if you cant find it fast enough a raptor chews your ass in half and pisses on the remains. then it a rinse and repeat with a checkpoint system that doesn't kick in after the really hard "OMG THERES A GIANT DINO TRYING TO EAT ME AND ALL I HAVE IS A CRAPPY BOW!!!" fight

Try and get a copy of the demo before committing to this game. It's got it's bright spots but it seems a little rough around the old edges